Psychology of Life: Body Language

How to find peace with your body

If you are dissatisfied with your body, you might think the solution is to lose weight, pump iron, or do thousands of sit-ups. Unlikely. This “outside” approach to correcting body dissatisfaction tends to be inadequate. The better approach is to learn to love the body you have. After all, so much of what you look like (your height, musculature, and some of your weight) is under genetic influence. Yes, you can slightly redesign the house Mother Nature gave you, but you can’t totally remodel it … at least not without paying a high price.

Weight issues are often self-esteem issues. Concern about what you look like is really a mask for how you feel about yourself, your self-esteem. Given about twenty-five percent of self-esteem is tied-up in how you look, you can’t feel good about yourself unless you like your body and feel confident with your appearance.

Ideally, what you look like on the outside should have little to do with how you feel on the inside. But, in reality, the thinking goes like this:

1. I have a defect that makes me different than others.
2. Other people notice this difference.
3. My looks affect how these people see me … repulsive, ugly.
4. I’m bad, unlovable, and inadequate.

If you are struggling with your body image, try to identify when you first got the message that something is wrong with your body.

Perhaps it was:

• a parent who way-back-when lovingly remarked, “You look good, honey, but if only you’d lose a few pounds, you might get a better job…”,
• the siblings who teased you about your “thunder thighs”, or
• the relative who molested you. (Sexual abuse is a common cause of body-hate).

Next, you need to take steps to be at peace with your body and to like yourself.

This includes:

• Renaming your disliked body part (i.e., “round stomach” is a more loving name than “ugly jelly belly”),
• Identifying the parts of your body that you do like and giving yourself credit for those with positive body talk. (My muscular legs help me enjoy bike rides with my children.)

Don’t dwell on the negative, but instead love all the good things your body does for you. It bears children; lets you do meaningful work that can make a difference in the world; and lets you have fun. How could you enjoy life without your body?